Dr. Wolfgang Müller

“I do not see woman as nothing more than sexual objects. I see them as sexual objects, among other things.”

Dr. Wolfgang Müller

  • November 28, 1960
  • Leipzig, East Germany
  • CIA Private Consultant


  • Diplomstudium, Universität Wien, Volkswirtschaft(Master’s, University of Vienna, Economics),1983.
  • École doctorale, Ecole normale supérieure, Affaires publiques, Paris(PhD. National University, Public Affairs, Paris), 1994.
  • Dissertation: L’Europe et l’Asie après l’empire soviétique : Sciences économiques et commerce (Europe and Asia after the Soviet empire: Economics and Commerce).

Positions Held:

  • Ostdeutsches Büro von Außenpolitik (East German Office of Foreign Affairs), Siberia, 1984-1990 (also on CIA payroll).
  • MI6-Afghan/Russian Relations, 1994-1997
  • MI6-North African Relations, 1997-2001
  • CIA Private Consultant For Northern Asia, 2001-Present (probably also on payroll for SVR & Chinese Foreign Ministry. Probably not on payroll for North Korea; they can’t afford him).

Weapons of Choice:

  • Cyanide pills (DC 16, 1d6 CON per round)
  • Poison Knife (19/20 crit, DC 15, 1d4 DEX per round)
  • Walther PPK (2d4), One on concealed in spring-loaded wrist holster (free action to draw). One accessible through trouser zipper (two moves to draw).

Other Notes:
Dr. Wolfgang Müller is an expert at slight of hand, concealment, disguise and seduction. It is this last that got him into trouble with MI6. In Afghanistan, he was reportedly servicing a tribal elder’s harem whenever the elder left the area. In Egypt he was caught having sexual relations with a politician’s wife and daughter, apparently at the same time. While the services to MI6 were quite valuable, they felt that he was going to get himself killed.

Besides being rather free with his national loyalties, Dr. Müller seems to convert between theological ideologies easily and often. In order to leave East Germany and study in Austria, he listed himself as a Marxist atheist. The University of Vienna records him as a Roman Catholic. Among the reasons he gave for working with the CIA during his time in Siberia was the fact that he was a “devout Buddhist, a group sorely oppressed by the Communist regime.” After the cold war, while getting his doctorate in France, he clearly identified as a Lutheran and was quite active in the protestant group on campus, marrying and fathering a daughter with one of the other members. The marriage was short lived due to his infidelity and Dr. Müller converted to Sunni Islam in Afghanistan. Oddly enough, he attended Lutheran services again when he went to Egypt. He currently calls himself a Taoist but is often seen attending Baptist and Pentecostal services in South Korea.

Dr. Wolfgang Müller

C(T)U BenjaminJCline